my reflection

L has a baby book that lasts to about 11 months. G's only lasts to about five months. One thing I want to do this year is use this blog, among other things, to remember. I want to print the posts about my boys so they can read them one day and laugh. So from time to time, you'll see a post like this...a detailed post about how they are at this age. Feel free to read them...or not.
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I started wanting two boys back in high school. I was the worst teenager ever and knew that if I ever had a girl, she'd end up just like me. After all, my mom wished that upon me enough times that it'd surely come true.

So I figured as long as I had boys, I was golden.

It never occurred to me that I could create a boy just like me.

The older L gets, I look at him and see my reflection.

He doesn't know a stranger. We go to the grocery store and he strikes up a conversation with the checker about his upcoming first soccer game. He insists that I ask the drive-thru girl's name at Sonic when we go through for a drink he's earned. He likes people and he likes to talk to them. It takes most people aback, but I was the same way. (B would tell you that I still am. It's debatable. )

Tonight, he was telling me about his teacher working one on one with him at school. I asked how he felt when he is called over to her table; if he likes it. He bashfully shook his head. I asked him why not and he shrugged. The kid excels at school. I asked if it makes him nervous and he nodded, a bit embarrassed. The next ten minutes, I found myself giving him a pep talk about how he needs to think of that time as a time to show her how good he is; so Miss Mitzi knows what he knows. It appears that he's also inherited my lack of confidence...perfectionism. Mama's going to have to work on breaking that cycle.

L lost his temper a couple of days ago and hit G in the head with his new Cars matchbox car. He lost it for four days and it's killing him. The first day, the very first thing he said to me upon picking him up from preschool was, "It's only been one day." The kid has over 100 cars but he can't stop obsessing over it. Tonight, he asked us if he could "just wook at it." We stuck to our guns and said no. He ran to the counter, where it's put away, then sauntered back, and said, "If I pushed my stool to the counter, I could look at it."

Giving him the look, I asked what he thought would happen. "You'd get mad," he answered, quietly.

"But what would happen?" I asked. "You think you might lose it for more days? Then it would be even longer without your car?"

"Yeah," he quietly pouted, slowly walking away.

Me. That kid is me. I'd threaten to do the wrong thing, knowing I'd back down as soon as my parents told me I'd better not. I'd throw the world's hugest tantrums when I got sent to my room, slamming my door and screaming at the top of my lungs. I'd befriend the new neighbor. I'd talk so much that my parents would beg me to just stop talking for a few minutes. I'd sob if a teacher redirected me too harshly. I'd worry. I'd snuggle up under a blanket, absolutely drinking in a book that was read to me. I'd have to check out every public restroom. I'd cry at movies.

They say it's hell raising yourself. But I'm going to try to rock this. L deserves nothing less.

Two for Tuesday Wednesday: Conversations with L

Scene: Upon waking up with a cough yesterday morning; on the car ride to school.

L: Mommy, I'm pretty sick. My cough, it's pretty bad.

Me: L, I think you're going to be okay. (Empathetic parenting is not my forte. So sue me.)

L: No, I don't feel good. I'm sick 'cuz I got a cough.

Me: You don't have a fever. If you don't feel well at school, tell your teacher and she can call me.

L: (brightening) Oh! Okay! I am very sick, you know.

Me: Now you need to know, though, that if you come home, you'll have to lie on the couch and watch tv.

L: (brightening more) Okaaay!

Me: And you won't get to play the Wii because you'll be too sick.

***dramatic pause***

L: I fink I'll be okay.

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Scene: Car ride on the way to school

L: Mommy. Hey Mommy. Did you know I have two heads?

Me: (stifles inappropriate giggles) Oh, really?

L: Yeah. (points to forehead) I got my forehead, and .... (pats the top of his head) I got a fivehead.

Namaste', L. Namaste'.

Messy Mom Mondays: Dirty dishes, messy drawers, and clean laundry, oh my!

"Why are you taking pictures of our dirty house??" B asked, incredulously, as I snapped a few pics on my way out the door today.

I wanted to explain that some of us were showing solidarity and not pretending that we were perfectly neat, tidy, and put-together moms on Messy Mom Mondays.

I wanted to rave about how much I already loved Jess and Brittany but now I adore them even more because of Messy Mom Mondays.

I wanted to tell him a million more things. But, as you can see from the time on the clock, I was running late, as usual. So I told him I'd explain later, even though, let's be honest, I probably won't. He won't get it.

Behold, first and foremost, my kitchen. Honest to goodness, this is the way I left it. I literally snapped these pics with my phone as I was walking out the door.

I'm not sure what my favorite part of this picture is. Maybe the textbooks, waiting to come to work with me? Or the pj's that my mom bought G, that not only have not been washed yet but have also not even made it into the hamper? Or the freeze-dried strawberries and box of coconut milk which needed to go in the pantry, just a few feet away? Or the plethora of other crap? It's a tough choice.

Ahhhh, the dishes in the sink. These are a result of clean dishes in the dishwasher, and the fact that with two children, we go through that many dishes. The dishwasher is busting at the seams with clean dishes. And of course I didn't have time to empty it and/or refill it this morning. Superwoman I am not.

So that's the sight that awaits me when I walk in the door this afternoon. Awesome. Only not so much.

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And if the messy kitchen wasn't enough, how about two bonus shots of my bedroom? You in?

This is the inside of my top nightstand drawer. I've almost turned into my grandma...her drawer was filled with meds too. I'm just missing the candy but if I'm being honest (and I should...it is MMM), there were gummy Lifesavers in there just last week. Call me Joan.

But that's not all....




Our bed never gets made. The laundry never gets truly caught up. This picture was taken last night, but those baskets of clothes are currently just sitting on the floor. They didn't get done. There's a possibility that they might, tonight, since I'll be sitting in there watching The Bachelor (oh yes, I just admitted that too) but then again, they may not.

Thanks, Jess, and Britt, for letting me air my dirty clean laundry and helping me make hundreds of other women feel better about their own houses. I'm not perfect. I'm not even close. I'm kind and I'm creative and I'm intelligent, but I'm human. And I love being able to proclaim that that's okay.

Namas-freakin'-te'.

Easy Peasy Amazing Chili

Tonight, I made The Best Chili in the History of the Universe. I took a recipe from my father-in-law and tweaked it a bit for our taste. We love spicy (G ate two bowls of it), and it has a bit of a kick. I had a few Twitter requests for the recipe...and like your fairy godmother, I'm here to make your wishes come true.

1 lb ground beef (do yourself a favor and just try 100% grass-fed beef. It's amazing.)
1 tube of "hot" pork sausage of your choice

Brown, remove grease, and throw in a crock pot with:

3 cans of kidney beans (we love Trader Joe's organic beans)
2 cans of organic diced and fire roasted tomatoes with organic chiles
1 small can of tomato paste
1 tablespoon chili powder
cumin to taste (I think I used about a tablespoon)
pepper to taste
onion salt to taste

Cook on low for at least 3 hours...the longer the better. Enjoy!

Food Allergy Fridays: Going out to eat

One question that I get asked on a consistent basis regarding the boys' food allergies is "How do you go out to eat?"

The answer: Very carefully.

We have two restaurants that we frequent pretty consistently: Jason's Deli (which I believe is a chain and I highly recommend it) and Chipotle (who doesn't love them some Chipotle, right?). I did my research ahead of time. Most restaurants (even fast food restaurants) have allergen information on their websites. But don't assume anything is safe...for instance, McDonald's frozen lemonade contains milk! Allergyeats.com is another good website for searching too.

I know what we can get at Jason's Deli and Chipotle, and as importantly, I trust them. I know how they prepare food and I don't have to worry about cross-contamination. (Much. I always worry about cross-contamination, but that's what allergy mommas do.)

But when we get invited to a restaurant or birthday party, we have a system. I used to worry about matching L's food as closely as possible to what everyone else would be eating. But I learned that L has a few old faithfuls that he would prefer to eat over anything anyone else is eating. Our biggest go-to is a peanut (or almond) butter and jelly. I feel zero guilt about it because we get the peanut butter with two ingredients (peanuts and sea salt) and all natural fruit spread.

Sometimes I've tried to make L pizza for pizza parties, etc., but he typically requests a PB&J. The best thing we did was find something that he loves that gives us no guilt. Seriously...L eats those almost every single day for lunch.

We have a fabulous gluten-free bakery not too far from us that we stock up on pre-made cupcakes. We keep one or two in the freezer at school for impromptu class parties and always bring one of those (or a homemade cupcake or brownie) to family celebrations in restaurants so when desserts are served, L doesn't feel left out.

And we bring food everywhere we go. I mean everywhere. And when I say food, I mean lots of it. Snacks are as important additions to the diaper bag as wipes. Maybe more so. I try to keep lots on hand so he can have a choice, and include things like individually wrapped fruit leathers, Pure protein bars, individual bags of potato chips, gluten-free cereal in baggies, trail mix.

Is it all sunshine and roses all the time? No. Fairly often, L will look at me and say, "When I get bigger I won't be allergic to anything and I can eat _____________, right, Mommy?" And every time he says that, I feel that dagger twist in my heart a bit. But it could be so much worse. I know this. And L is amazingly understanding that those foods will make him very sick. He knows just how bad they make him feel. So he knows it isn't even worth it. Wise beyond his years, that one.

I remember feeling so much negativity regarding packing up the food and making the lunches and always throwing food together. But it's gotten easier and easier. These days, I can get lunches made in a matter of minutes. I can throw a diaper bag together without even thinking about it. We know where to go to get "special treats," as we call them, for L.

The other important thing to note is that once you start researching foods (and you will, with a child with food allergies), you might want to adopt their diet. I used to say I'd never go gluten-free, until I did it. Knowing what I know about food, I can say with honesty that I don't miss my beloved McDonald's cheeseburgers or Taco Bell meximelts. Now the pasta and Italian bread, however...sigh.

If you have any specific questions, don't hesitate to e-mail me at namastebyday@gmail.com

Namaste!

The Key to Life

I really like the Word of 2012 Train. I don't usually follow the internet/bloggy trends, but I'm a word nerd (hello, speech-language pathologist) here and I love the idea of something to focus on. God knows anything to help my distractability is a good thing.

But as I read other people's eloquent posts on their Words of 2012, I wasn't sure what mine should be. I'd love to say it's focus. Or calm. Or something along those lines.

However, I am one of those people whose minds never.turns.off. Ever. I prefer to go to sleep listening to mindless chatter on television because otherwise my mind races, scanning my to-do list, coming up with new worries, and just thinking-thinking-thinking.

So as much as I'd like to say I'm going to have a quiet mind; a focused life...let's be honest. It's not gonna happen. Yet. We'll shoot for that in 2013.

But as I struggled with every single balance pose in my Power Yoga class the other night, it hit me. Balance.

That's exactly what I struggle with but what I think is a reachable goal. While balance is the hardest part of yoga for me, it isn't just me holding a perfect dancer pose. As Kim reminded me the other night, "real yoga happens on the street, not just in the studio." And that is true. Reason #206980236 why I love yoga.

Like most other people, when I make a resolution, I break it. Because I feel like I fail the first time l lose my temper or don't stay organized or religiously keep up with my workouts or floss my teeth every single day. I tend to be impulsive and dramatic, so once I screw up, I throw my goal out the window. After all, I've already failed.

But balance? That's something to strive for. It lends itself to success, because if I'm starting to get lazy, I'll allow myself those five more minutes of ridiculous reality tv, then get my butt to the gym. And I still am rocking it out, even though I sat on the couch for an hour. (And five minutes.)

Being present with my kids is something I want to work on, but I feel like the balance thing helps with that. I'm going to probably get a few judgies thrown my way for saying this, but sometimes I just need to escape to the internet for a while, while G eats a snack or L watches an episode of Curious George. I need my down time too, especially on the days when the whining is epic and I'm PMS-ing and dealing with a trying day at work. But balancing that with the presence is what seems healthiest to me.

I can apply this to everything in my life. Balance cooking with bringing home Chipotle once a week. Balance frustration with gratitude. Balance keeping my house neater with not stressing when it looks like a tornado ripped through it.

And if I make progress on the mat as well, and I learn to rock out the standing split/revolved half moon/warrior III poses? Bonus.

After all...

Namaste'.

(Not really) Wordless Wednesday: Ask and you shall receive.

I'm granting your wish. Voila...my two pictures from my movie that I posted about HERE. Sorry about the quality. They are pictures of pictures taken on my phone.

Me with Zachery Ty Bryan (yes, the oldest son from Home Improvement) and two of the actual soccer players (who played different parts in the movie).



Swooning over Louis Mandylor. Did I tell you that he told me that I was beautiful? And blew me kisses (unscripted, thankyouverymuch, during the wedding scene)? Sigh.

When I get discovered, you can say you read my blog way back when. Namaste.