At the moment

At the moment...

* I am hoping that the self-tanning wipes I just used are not a huge fail.

BUT, even a little bit orange would be better than whiter-than-white.


* I can see directly through someone's sneaky hopes and plans, and I'm trying to decide whether to dig my heels in or let go and move on.

BUT, at least I am (hopefully) in control, regardless.


* I hate my hair with a passion and wish that I could afford extensions.

BUT I have an appointment with my stylist on Saturday and have full confidence that she'll fix this hot mess of a head.



* I am still trying to forgive people who said some hurtful things behind my back.

BUT, sometimes a bit of clarity regarding friendships and trustworthiness is a silver lining.


* I am already dreading making four days of lunches in one night, hosting L's birthday party, and packing us all up before we go on our trip.

BUT, we are going on a trip. Nuff said.


* I am in desperate need of a pedicure.

BUT, I'm gonna paint these puppies myself in hopes that I can get a kick-ass pedi at the spa in a week.


* I am going through a trying season of life.

BUT, I'm getting pretty good at wearing a "it's all good" mask when I need to, knowing this too shall pass, and being thankful for my blessings. Case in point:



Namaste'.

Tuesday Tidbits

I have a lot going on and my mind is full of randomosity as usual. Hence the Tuesday Tidbit post.

I have been a big emotional crabby mess for longer than I'd like to admit. Between some family stuff and job issues and stressing over readying our house for the big bad stinky market, I've been a stressball. But our realtor came over last night to check out our house and officially get this ball rolling. He was so positive that I was able to put my normal rose-colored glasses back on my face. I'm fully aware that he was giving us a sales pitch, but from the selling points of our house to his recommended listing price, he made my whole day. And my students are probably working on thank you notes for him because of it.

*****

Today I went to L's school to drop something off and my heart sank when I realized that there was an impromptu birthday celebration about to start. Teachers were passing out pink cupcakes and L was sitting at a table with his friend, eating his boring old applesauce. I asked about the allergy-safe cupcakes I had stashed in the freezer and his teacher told me they had all been eaten. I quickly told L that he could have a special treat when we got home, and he shrugged and smiled. His teachers assured me that he's great about his allergies. I am so grateful that he is, because if he didn't have the wisdom and self-control that he does, there'd be many more momma tears.

*****

We leave for our trip in less than a week. Food is being packed. Dresses are being bought. Magazines are being splurged on. Forecasts are being checked. I am petrified to leave a food-allergic kid for four days but all I can do is pray. If you want to throw one our way, I'd be grateful. In the meantime, I'll be squealing over the "80 and sunny" promises that my weather app is gifting me.

*****

Baby G is now 18 months and his personality is...shining. He gets at least one uh-oh time an evening in his room thanks to some epic tantrum skills. He says new words constantly (today's was "stuck" in reference to a sticker on his finger) although admittedly, I'm probably the only one who can understand 90% of it. (G, you're killing your speech therapist momma). He's still obsessed with Mickey (either called "Hot Dog" or "Minneh") . But the funniest thing he does now? Whenever he is asked anything, he says, "Ummmmmm..." One of these days I'll capture it on video. And I will watch it when he's 20 and cry.

*****

Yesterday, I was leaning against the couch, and L patted my belly, noting how big it is. Apparently, I looked crestfallen, because he said, "Oh, Mommy, I didn't mean that. It's not big. It's just the way you are sitting." Just the way you are sitting?!? Is he 4 or 24?

*****

We found gluten-free, antibiotic-free, dairy-free, preservative-free chicken nuggets last week. And they rocked our socks off. The end.

*****

What's new with you? Namaste'.

Monday Real

I'm linking up with Jess and Britt today. I'm all about the "real" when I'm feeling like this. I'm overwhelmed and exhausted so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors.

First up-My 18 month old still doesn't sleep through the night. Between my asthma attack and his screaming sesh last night, I got less than three hours of sleep. And so this morning, when my husband said something about needing more help in the morning? I might have lost it on him. Fine. I did. I totally did. Because if I could just fall back to sleep like him, regardless of my children's wails, I'd probably be uber helpful in the morning. Grrr.

You know what is getting me through today, especially since I didn't have time to get a cup of coffee this morning? Checking the weather in our vacation destination to where we are traveling very, very soon. The current forecast for our arrival day? 80 and sunny. A related confession is that the more I think about the sun on my shoulders, the less nervous I am about going. And? The fact that I'll be able to sleep, uninterrupted. And wake up to 80 freaking degrees. (It's fuh-reezing here.) Peace out, babies. I know I've never left you before, but Mama needs her sun and sleep.

And as long as I'm talking about 12-step programs I need to join, we might as well throw in hippie-dippie natural supplements. The amount of money I've spent this week at our nutrition store is not normal. I think the workers high-five each other as they see my car pull up. My newest find is a blend of spices (I'm talking oregano, cumin, ginger, among others) that is supposed to help with asthma. Cut me some slack, though...I've had an asthma attack every night for over a month and my chest actually hurts. I'm desperate. And clearly, an easy sell.

And more reality? Our realtor is coming over tonight and even after months of preparing and purging and donating and selling, we still donated 8 huge bags of last-minute stuff. And my husband filled his 4Runner to the brim and hauled junk away. That doesn't include the things that went to the consignment shop. We made this walk-through appointment last week and we still will have to tell him tonight that this table and that cabinet and this pile-o-shit is on its way out.

This house-on-the-market thing might kill me dead. Hopefully it will be after my trip, though.

Namaste'.

God-incidences

As my relationship with God grows, I feel His nudges a little more. I also start to notice things that just a year or so ago, I'd have written off as coincidences, albeit really cool ones. I've heard people refer to these as God-incidences, and I've adopted that term lovingly. I see more God-incidences in my life as well.

This weekend was no exception.

I serve at my church every other Sunday, shadowing a little girl who has special needs, but is very high-functioning. This week, she was sick. Unfortunately, her family isn't able to attend fairly often, and typically when I get the e-mail saying my services aren't needed, I quickly find other things to do with that time.

When the e-mail came through this week, though, I felt a big ole nudge from God, telling me to ask the kids' ministry if I could serve in any other way.

About ten minutes after I sent the e-mail, asking, I got an enthusiastic one back, asking me to please come in to work with another little boy in the 2-3 year old room with developmental delays. He had far more special needs than my other little girl, but I had such a good feeling about it that I read the email to B, smiling.

I showed up to church on Sunday and was greeted by the family, as well as by some very cool God-incidences. In a five minute conversation, we realized that the similarities between our families was eerie.

Our boys have the same dietary restrictions.

We live just minutes apart.

Two of our boys have the same name.

Two of our boys share the same exact birthday.

Two of our boys go to preschool on the same days, at the same school, in classrooms right next door to one another.

The other mom looked at me, teary, mouth open. She was clearly speechless, and I just smiled.

"Don't get me wrong," I told her, "I have huge goosebumps right now. But I've learned that stuff like this happens constantly around here. When you're open to it, you get to see it."

She told me that she and her husband hadn't been able to attend church together due to the very special needs of her little boy. However, she said that this week, they'd decided to go to church together and they'd figure it out somehow. The next day, they got the phone call that someone qualified to work with her son was available.

God-incidences are amazing.

Working with her son was a holy experience. At one point, he became overstimulated, but using my experience and some fervent prayers, I was able to calm him. I listened to God and used my knowledge to know when to push him to interact and when to let him hold back.

By the end of the service, we were holding hands, worshiping with all of the other kids in the room. The goosebumps on my arms were back, but I couldn't help but wink back at God, knowing that He is up to something.

The other interesting part is that because of some other personal conflicts, I'd been finding it increasingly difficult to continue the commitment I'd made with the first family. After a talk with the woman in charge of the kids' ministry, we were able to come up with a solution. I'm thrilled that both families will be covered and I'll get to serve with the little boy from now on.

Call it what you want. Say that the planets were aligned, that it was all just an awesome coincidence. I know the truth.

Namaste'.

'Da Coowest Game in 'da Whole Wide World

Have any of you heard of the game Lego Racers? If you have a little boy or know a little boy and you want to be their biggest hero, go search eBay now and buy it.

It's a super lame game, consisting of puzzle pieces that enable you to design your own track! And Legos to make your own cars! And dumb little 1st/2nd/3rd place cardboard squares! And apparently, kiddie crack sprinkled all over the box because kids go nuts over it!

All of my male students are obsessed with this game. I let my kids pick their speech activity fairly often, and without fail, they look at each other, say, "Lego Racers!" and rush to my metal wardrobe cabinet to find it.

The problem is though, that the kiddie crack is so powerful that they get mesmerized by this stupid game. When I ask them to repeat sentences to work on their targeted sounds, sometimes they are so into Lego Racers that they literally don't hear me.

So when my officemate suggested that maybe L would enjoy playing the game for a while, I stashed it under my desk until I could bring it home that afternoon.

And I kid you not, the kids came in and sniffed that game out.

When I finally brought it home, L was just as sucked in. He promptly forgot about his daily Scooby Doo episode (jinkies!) and got to work building the cars and asking me what all the words said on the pit stop and the oil spill pieces. We played a few games together, and he played about 12 more games alone.

For the first time in as long as we can remember, he didn't run to B upon his arrival that evening. He did, however, call his daddy over to check out his new game.

He went to bed clutching two of the Lego cars, one in each little hand.

He insisted on bringing the Legos to the eye doctor this morning.

My kid likes his Hot Wheels but isn't one of those kids who gets attached to a certain toy, bringing it everywhere with him. He doesn't have any lovies or stuffed animals, even though I've tried. But these cars? Ob. Sessed.

I wish I could tell you where to find the game. I saw one on eBay but they don't make it anymore. I couldn't even find a usable picture of the game box.

But if you see one at a garage sale or a consignment shop, buy it and give it to a little boy, but only if you want him to adore you.

You can thank me later.

Namaste'.

a light bulb moment

Last week, I took L to a science event at my school. I watched him struggle with some of the experiments. And struggle he did.


This week, I had my own set of struggles, both there at work and beyond. At one point, between the nonstop tears, the high blood pressure, the dizziness, and stomach issues, I ended up taking a pregnancy test. I'm happy to report I saw a negative sign that day.

But my bad week turned worse, including trusted people twisting my words, sending me spiraling into self-doubt about my skills as a speech therapist, a mother, a friend. There were many times I actually considered walking out of the building and hibernating in my bed. I took a cue from L, though, and kept on keepin' on.


And then, last night, as I was starting my second rum and Coke, B came in and said, "Wanna hear something cool?" He played part of a podcast from our church that he had been listening to earlier. I don't think he played it because of the fact that I was drowning my sorrows, but to say I needed it was an understatement. The whole five minutes were extremely powerful, but one quote by G.K. Chesterton made me stop in my tracks.

“Here ends another day, during which I have had eyes, ears, hands and the great world around me. Tomorrow begins another day. Why am I allowed two?”




Talk about a light bulb moment.

Now if I can just get this tattooed to my forehead, perhaps I can remember it come Monday morning.

Namaste'.

Hoping for a Realty Miracle

My little first-born baby is going to be in kindergarten next year.

Kindergarten.

Before I know it, he's going to be asking for the keys to my car.

Between the fact that I work at the best school in the history of the universe and I'm petrified to send him to big-boy school because of his food allergies, I have come to the conclusion that he needs to come to my school.

End. Of. Story.

(Plus, if he doesn't, we'll have to figure out before and after care, and I may have to at least consider a different job, which is another post for another day. Nothing like two different jobs being dangled in front of my face this week with that big decision looming. But I digress.)

Our district does not allow teachers to bring their own children to school with them unless they live in the boundaries. Trust me, I think that is ridiculous. Don't get me started.

So last night, we filled out the paperwork to get our house on the market. And I consequently had a panic attack. Don't get me wrong. It needs to happen. We've outgrown our teeny tiny space and I'm ready for a fresh start. We've replaced our roof, our windows, our stove, dishwasher, and hot water heater. We've painted. We've updated. It's time.

And although, sight-unseen, our friend and realtor swears he can get our house sold by August, I am so scared. I am completely aware that getting our house sold and finding a house we can afford in the mostly-ritzy area where we need to will be nothing short of a miracle. We have a worst-case scenario, which would be renting our house out and getting an apartment for a year. B is okay with that scenario, because we'd save so much money and there'd be no grass to cut. But renting an apartment with two little monkeys and all our crap is the stuff of nightmares, if you ask me.

Add all this craziness to the fact that I have a few other big personal and professional stressors right now, and you'll understand why I'm reaching for the anti-anxiety meds and finding myself taking deep breaths 392058023 times a day.

Oh, and please excuse any typos or grammatical errors in this post. It's hard to type while your head is spinning.

Namaste'.