A little hormone-induced paranoia for your reading pleasure

When I found out I was pregnant with this new little man, I couldn't believe that I'd be 37 weeks pregnant on the first day of school. Not exactly the best possible due date for a public school employee, but obviously I was so giddy that I was pregnant, I figured it'd all work out.

And it will.

BUT.

I am 37 weeks pregnant and the first day of school is Monday.

Usually, the first week of school is somewhat laid-back. We speech pathologists make contact with our students. We do basic language samples; see how our kids' speech sounds have regressed over the summer; take some baseline data.

Between those contacts, we finalize the schedule that we've put a ridiculous number of hours into creating. We make our sticker charts. We throw random crap into our treasure chests. We get our data books organized. We eat chocolate when we get overwhelmed. We create calendars for the school year. We start to schedule meetings. We are busy, but it goes at a slower pace and there is typically plenty of time to get the last few things done.

Yeah...not this year.

Last night, I brought home an obnoxious amount of work. I could go into labor at any time, and I needed to make sure that at any given second, things are ready for my substitute. Not only did I create a binder of data sheets, I put post-its on every. single. sheet. I gave information on each of them and then added suggestions of therapy activities for each one. I made sticker charts. (And I bounced on an exercise ball while doing it, which did NOT put me into labor. Sigh.)

I've been a sub. And it sucks a big one when you walk into a classroom and have no clue what the heck you are supposed to do.

Plus, I love my job. I want it done right. I want my kids to be taken care of. I want good therapies to be done.

BUT.

Can I confess something?

I don't want it done as well as what I do.

Oh man, I am a bad, bad person.

My biggest fear is that my sub is going to rock my entire staff's socks off. What if they like her better than me? What if they don't want me to come back? What if my kids don't miss me???

I have a fantastic plan set up for my maternity leave. After I have the baby (hopefully this weekend...hey, one can hope), I will be out for eight weeks full days. Then the next eight weeks, I'll go in from 12:15-3:45 each day. That will allow me to return full-time, but not until after Christmas break. Score...right?

But that also gives my sub (who is supposed to be awesome) ample time to bond with my friends...my principals...my kids...and steal their love away. Time to prove that she's a better speech-language pathologist than me.

I am ridiculous. Plain and simple. I know. Paranoid. Crazy.

But I know, that while I am sitting at home, rocking my baby, smelling his sweet baby smell and kissing his sweet baby cheeks, I will miss my "other kids" a little. I don't want to give up my time at home. Not even a little. But I love my job so much that it might be hard to be away.

Then again, there's a good chance that I'll be so sleep deprived that I won't even know what time or day it is, and I'll be saying, "Job? What job?"

Yeah...that's probably a better prediction.

But I still hope my sub leaves just a little to be desired. Just sayin'.