The Gingerbread Boy: the food-allergic version

Once upon a time, there was a food allergic boy and a baking-impaired mommy.

One day, the food-allergic boy's teacher told the baking-impaired mommy that they were going to make, decorate, and complete an activity with gingerbread boys the following week of school.

The baking-impaired mommy had an initial panic attack, but quickly recovered and consulted her trusty google search engine.

Luckily, right away, she found a gluten and dairy-free gingerbread recipe that claimed to be "easy."

The mommy was excited and rounded up her ingredients during naptime the next day.

She mixed up the batter.

She rolled out the dough. Well, she tried to roll out the dough, but baking-impaired mommies don't own a rolling pin. So she did the best she could. Which wasn't really very good at all, but she tried.

She shaped little arms, and she shaped little legs, and she shaped a little head.

And she put it in the oven, and waited. She watched carefully, because she knew the story of the gingerbread man that ran away. This gingerbread man did not run away.

But she wished it would have when she tasted it. It was disgusting.

As she gagged it down, he said, "Bake, bake, but you can't beat my ploy, you will not win, I'm the gingerbread boy!"

The mommy was used to epic baking fails, so this did not stop her for long. She threw all of the dough away and started anew.

She got out ingredients to make no-fail peanut butter cookies: peanut butter, an egg, sugar, and vanilla.

She rolled out the dough. Well, she tried to roll out the dough, but baking-impaired mommies don't own a rolling pin. So she did the best she could. Which wasn't really very good at all, but she tried.

She shaped little arms, and she shaped little legs, and she shaped a little head.

And she put it in the oven, and waited. She watched carefully, because she knew the story of the gingerbread man that ran away. This gingerbread man did not run away.

And when she took him out of the oven, he didn't taste terrible. But he fell apart. And the mommy almost cried, especially when she heard him say,"Bake, bake, but you can't beat my ploy, you will not win, I'm the gingerbread boy!"

Luckily, though, the baking-impaired mommy had kept some dough because she remembered her past baking fails.

So she tried again. She shaped thicker arms, and she shaped thicker legs, and she shaped a big fat head.

And she put it in the oven, and waited. She watched and she paced and she may have cursed a few times.

But when she took him out of the oven, she smiled. He smelled good. He tasted good. And he didn't fall apart.

Until, that is, she tried trimming him up and brushing the crumbs into the sink, and he was beheaded.

So the baking-impaired mommy took another peanut butter cookie and stuck that head right on and smooshed it all together. She found gluten-free sprinkles and a pack of Skittles and put it all together in a bag and handed it to the food-allergic boy's teacher the next day.

And she gave very specific instructions not to take it off of the plate for fear that he'd lose a limb, or worse, his smooshed-on head.

Now, she sits, hoping against hope that the food-allergic boy enjoys his "gingerbread" boy this afternoon, just as much as the sly fox did in the original story.

And she hopes her blog readers send prayers/positive vibes/high hopes for the same thing.

The End