The end of a journey.

If you would have asked me a week ago how long I thought I'd nurse G, I would have chuckled. I would have said that it was good that we were hoping that he'd come to my school for kindergarten because when his class had snack, he could come to my room for a quick nursing sesh. I kid. I do. But the child was seemingly obsessed.

Every night, without fail, he'd sign "milk" to request to nurse. If he was overtired on the weekends, he'd ask to nurse. Often, he still asked during the day, if he was hungry. Upset. Overstimulated. Boyfriend loved him some nursing.

And then, about a week ago, I noticed that he was no longer nursing to sleep. He'd nurse for two minutes, tops, on one side, say, "aw-duh" (all done), sign "more," nurse on the other side for a minute or so, then announce again that he was "aw-duh." And he'd toddle off.

His sleep was getting even worse, too, which I didn't think was even possible.

So I followed his signs, as well as my readiness to be done, and one night this week, as I was rocking him before bed, he halfheartedly signed "milk." I noticed it was different...he almost seemed like he didn't mean it. It was one-handed and just seemed blase. So I didn't say no, but I ignored it, cuddled him up tighter, kept singing and rocking, and he didn't ask again.

I was shocked. In the past, he would ask repeatedly to nurse, even smacking me if I would deny him. But this night, he just went to sleep.

I was instantly relieved, and then felt guilt for said relief. Shouldn't I be crying over the end of this journey? That this 16 and 1/2 month journey had come to a possible end? I figured that he'd ask the next night anyway, and went to sleep. (Side note: later that night, he woke up crying, and B and I did some tandem modified sleep training for 45 minutes. Afterwards, he slept through the night. If you follow my blog, you know that is nothing short of miraculous.)

The last two nights he didn't even ask to nurse. I even tempted him one night by wearing a nursing tank when I rocked him. Sure enough, his hand went down my top and I thought surely he'd ask, but he just snuggled up and went to sleep.

It was like he didn't realize that it was an option not to nurse. And once he did, he found that he preferred the choice to snuggle and rock and sing.

And? He has slept through the night every night since. It could be a coincidence, or solely related to the sleep training, but I'm not convinced.

Regardless, we've reached the end of our proverbial journey. And I'm happy to say that it's such a peaceful ending. It's like coming home after a fantastic vacation...I wouldn't have given up my time on the journey for anything, but it's always nice to come home to your own bed.

Namaste.