Who wants to go into labor? Say it with me...NOT me!

As most of you know, I am 36 weeks pregnant. (36 weeks and 2 days. But who's counting? NOT me!)

So technically, I am full-term. But I do NOT want to go into labor yet. No way. Of course I know that there is a reason that pregnancies are 40 weeks. And really, 37 weeks, at least, is a much healthier time to have a baby, especially a boy. So I do NOT want to go into labor. Nuh-uh.

No. Seriously, you guys. I mean, I am still waiting to borrow a bassinet from a very sweet and generous friend (Hi, Lindsay!), his nursery still needs finishing touches on it, and for goodness sakes, I have one last load of his laundry to do, and another to put away in his room. Don't be silly.

I am NOT going up to work this morning to set up my classroom, meet my new coworker, and my sub just in case my attempts at natural induction techniques this week work.

Er. I mean, natural induction techniques? What are those? Even if I had heard that spicy food, acupressure, herbs, and other...uh, personal techniques get the baby party started, I would not indulge in at least two a day, every day, starting last night. That is crazy talk. First of all, no one believes those old wives' tales and even if they did, I am only 36 weeks (and two days). Who actually does those? NOT me!

I do NOT have a few different days that I'd really like to go into labor. One of them is NOT this Wednesday. Of course, I want to sit through all those oh-so-exciting beginning of the school year meetings. And Meet the Teacher Night on Thursday night? I do NOT dread that. Of course I want to work an eleven-hour-day on Thursday, ending with being bubbly and cheery while I talk to all my students' parents....36 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Who wouldn't?

If I do end up sitting through meetings on Thursday and Friday without my water breaking some place embarrassing in the district, I do NOT want to go into labor a week from today. That would mean my baby would be born on my labor coach's 50th birthday. I do NOT think that would be awfully cool, especially since no one is throwing her a party. I do NOT envision a birthday cake with both her name and the baby's name on it.

You guys, please. I know this baby will come when he is supposed to come. Trying to plan the perfect day is ri-freakin-diculous. As someone who usually flies by the seat of her pants throughout life, I am NOT trying to control something that obviously cannot be controlled....NOT me!

MckMama, who had her own little man last week and certainly didn't see his birth going the way it did, invented this Not Me! blog carnival. Head on over, congratulate her on her gorgeous new son, and read what other people are NOT doing this week!

Nothing to confess this week...NOT me!

I really do NOT have anything to confess this week. I haven't done anything I feel the least bit ashamed about. NOT me!

For instance, I am NOT still watching The Real World. Or looking forward to The Jersey Shore's new episodes. I am much too intellectual to watch shows like that. I am certainly NOT getting so excited for "The Men Tell All" Bachelorette show tonight. Er. I mean, I have NOT ever heard of such a thing. That sounds ridiculous.

I also did NOT spend far too much on my haircut and color this weekend. Even if I think it was worth every penny to get it chopped and colored into a cute dark bob again, I would NOT spend that kind of money on my hair. There are starving children in this world and all my extra money goes to charities. Always. (I do NOT also think I will be forced to go somewhere less expensive from now on until I go back to work full time. The results of that do NOT worry me as well. I am NOT that girl.)

On my way home from my extremely cheap hair appointment, I did NOT stop for an ice cream cone. I have NOT been sneaking ice cream cones lately since L can't eat it anymore. I can certainly show self-control over my pregnancy cravings, and eat something that my son can't eat? NOT me!

Really. I am a grown-up. That means that B and I did NOT laugh at the drawings in the Bradley Method book I got from the library this weekend. Just because the women are doing prenatal exercises in the nude, we are far too mature to giggle about that. I am taking this natural childbirth thing very seriously. I would NOT ever laugh at the beautiful womanly human body and tell my husband I was going to start squatting in the nude in the living room.

And I definitely did NOT enjoy the slow, leisurely pace of the start of summer, and it does NOT feel like it's flying by all of a sudden. A teeny tiny part of me does NOT hope that at my next doctor's appointment (after the one this afternoon), I get put on bed rest, simply to avoid the beginning of the year meetings. Hoping to miss the long, boring, start-of-school meetings and Meet the Teacher Night that results in an 11-hour-day? Dreading how I will handle those at 36 weeks pregnant? NOT me!

Anything you have NOT done this week? Go ahead, admit it, and then visit MckMama's blog to see what else perfect mommies out there have NOT done this week. We perfect types need to stick together, you know!

****And while you are blog-hopping, go check out my friend Tiffany's adorable business:

And her blog, too.

I have bought several of her dresses for friends' baby showers and they are all well-made and gorgeous. Tell her I sent her your way! :)

I am NOT almost too embarrassed to post this...NOT me!

I did NOT notice that L was starting to break out on Friday, on our way to swimming lessons. I am flawless with his diet regarding his allergies and I do NOT make mistakes...for instance, giving him V8 Splash juice that I blogged about here. Of course V8 has tomatoes in it. I mean, that is beyond obvious.

I did NOT get an enormous cell phone bill this month, including 1100 texts and a XXX Wet and Sexy screen saver. I am NOT a bit confused about how this occurred, and am NOT suspicious that a little man whose name starts with an L might be the culprit. I do NOT ever allow him to play with my phone, and I am NOT afraid of what screen saver is on my phone that is broken at the moment. I am always engaged in educational activities with my son. He would NOT ever have a chance to play with technology, and he certainly would NOT possibly have a chance to see something X-rated. I am NOT calling Sprint to attempt to clear this up today.

Now that L is on his new allergy-induced diet, we are all healthy all the time. I certainly did NOT stop at McDonald's and get a Happy Meal on my way to Lilith Fair on Friday night. That's just gross. And even if I would indulge like that, I would absolutely NOT eat two tacos that my husband brought home at 1:00 am. That. Is. Disgusting. Fast food twice in one night...and immediately before bed? NOT me!

Speaking of eating badly, I did NOT order fries with a salad when I went out to dinner with my friend Laura on Saturday. Obviously, I was being healthy with my salad choice. Why would I order fries and ruin it? I would also NOT ever justify my fries by saying I had gone to spinning that morning. Obviously, those hundreds of calories I burned were already taken by the two fast food meals in one night the evening before. I mean...er...yeah.

I did NOT fail to shower regularly this weekend. On Friday, I did NOT wait until 3 pm to shower. And when I got home, excessively sweaty and gross from Lilith Fair, I did NOT go to bed without showering...and then hit spinning class the next morning. Those bikes are so close to each other...that's terrible gym etiquette. Ew. And on Sunday, I did NOT wait until bedtime to take a shower again, especially since I did leave the house. That would be almost 36 hours without a shower, since Saturday after spinning. You think I would go to Trader Joe's, unshowered, sans makeup, in a baseball cap? Gross, you guys. That is NOT how I roll these days. Blech.

I am NOT almost too embarrassed to post this. Good thing I am NOT repulsive enough to do any of the things I discussed here. Want to read what other people did NOT do? Head on over to MckMama's blog, who created this carnival. I do NOT hope other women there are more disgusting than me. Just sayin.

Not Me! Monday: the 4th of July weekend edition

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I am pretty much the perfect mom. I do NOT make any strange parenting decisions and I certainly do NOT make mistakes.

So it's safe to say that when we attended a birthday party on Saturday, I did NOT give L a few bites of meat that had cooked in barbecue sauce. Of course I know my son is allergic to tomatoes. And of course I know that barbecue sauce contains tomatoes. I do NOT make mistakes like that. Even if I did forget, I would NOT feel guilty when, for the next 36 hours, he got a rash, was very itchy, and was extremely hyperactive. Because, please, that would NOT happen to me.

Like I said, I am super sensitive to my son's allergies. So I would NOT ask my hubby to bring home a chocolate long john donut from the grocery store on Sunday morning. And if he did bring one home, I would NOT hide in my room and eat it since L couldn't have one. Of course I have adopted a very healthy lifestyle ever since his allergy diagnosis, and 8 months pregnant or not, I would NOT stray from it.

On Sunday afternoon, I would NOT allow my three-year-old to play guns with his older cousin. We all know I am a peace-waging hippie who would NOT allow gun play for my child. I certainly would NOT take a photo to document it:

Nope, NOT me! Guns are dangerous. For that matter, so are fireworks. So I would NOT allow my child to play with a sparkler. He's far too young for that and no matter how much he enjoyed it, I would NOT let him hold one. Or ten. Ahem.

I am NOT having major bladder control issues as of late. If I was, I certainly wouldn't post about it here. It has NOT gotten to the point that when I sneeze then curse, my husband laughs and says, "Pee your pants again?" I am far too classy for that. And even if that did happen, I would NOT talk to my husband's family, including his aunt and uncle about it yesterday. People would NOT be laughing at my snissing stories. Who does that?

Regardless of some stressful moments yesterday, I did NOT have a great time with my in-laws. This fourth of July was NOT the most fun to date, and I do NOT love seeing L grow up. NOT me!

I am sure you did NOT allow your children to do anything dangerous, like me...or Mckmama, who created this blog carnival. But if you want to be shocked by mothers who did, head on over to Mckmama's blog. Perhaps they are mothers like that over there...I am certainly NOT one of them!

NOT My Child Monday!

This week has been quite a doozy for my sweet angel L. You know, that perfect little three year old that does NOT ever do anything to make me sigh, cringe, or laugh? Yep. that L.

First and foremost, L did NOT say, "I don't love you," when I was putting him in his carseat and attempting to kiss him last week. He would never break his mother's heart like that. And if he did, and I pretended to cry, he certainly would NOT say, "Don't act, Mommy. You act like a baby." And let's just say that all of that did happen, if I told him that it just made me really sad when he said he didn't love me, he would NOT sigh and say, "I love you," with a roll of his eyes. My child is NOT three going on fifteen!

Further proof that my child is NOT a teenager in a preschooler's body...last week, when I was on the phone, he did not say, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" when I was on the phone...and when I didn't answer him, he did NOT resort to calling, "Gina!" (This also did NOT immediately get my attention!)

When I bought L a strawberry slushie from Sonic last week, he did NOT, unbeknownst to me, poke a hole in the cup. Driving home, he also did NOT announce that he really needed to go potty. This could make for a terrible combination. Because if he did tell me he needed to go potty, and I raced home, reminding him every thirty seconds not to go in his pants, he would NOT have a lap full of strawberry slushie when we arrived home, making me think he had an accident. And when we arrived inside, he would NOT ever say he didn't really have to go potty in the first place. Sigh.

L did NOT make us laugh several times in the last few days. He did NOT name his gorilla Tory, making B and I scratch our heads and wonder where on earth he came up with that name. When B asked, "Do you even know someone named Tory, L?" He did not respond, in exasperation, "Yes! My gorilla!!"

He did NOT also insist on wearing his sunglasses out to dinner last night...inside the restaurant. He then did NOT stare into space several times throughout the meal as he ate, making me think that the rest of the restaurant patrons were staring at the little boy at our table with the visual impairment.

L does NOT do things on a weekly basis that force me to take deep breaths, hide my giggles and grab him for a hug, sometimes simultaneously. He is NOT making my summer vacation the best yet...even just a week in! What have your kids...or you...NOT been doing this week? Head over to MckMama's blog and join the fun! And let me know that you did...I can't get enough of Not Me...or my child...Monday!

Not Me! Monday; Stinky Sunday

I did NOT fail to take a shower all.day.long yesterday. When B told me we could go to Trader Joe's but we only had a little over an hour before he needed to meet his workout buddy, I did NOT agree to throw on a ball cap and hit the road. Gross.

When L took his nap after our Trader Joe's run, I did NOT take a nap too instead of taking a shower. That is disgusting, even if I planned to go to kickboxing class that night. I do NOT love napping that much; who chooses a nap over good hygiene? NOT me!

And let's just say, hypothetically speaking, of course, that I did choose a nap over a shower, afterwards, I did NOT go to Old Navy....without showering, since we were again on a time crunch before closing. Seriously. At that point, my fine hair would be so greasy and I would obviously be revolting by that point. What if I ran into someone I knew? Just...ew.

Plus, if I would choose to go to Old Navy, that would mean that I would be skipping the kickboxing class I had planned to attend. And really. Who chooses shopping over exercise? NOT me, that's for sure.

You see, I am obviously a bit concerned about the weight I've gained thus far in my pregnancy. So I certainly would NOT skip a class for any reason. Especially shopping. And if I did, I definitely did NOT get super excited when my husband suggested getting a pizza from a delicious pizzeria nearby for dinner. C'mon, you guys. I am way healthier than that. I did NOT call said pizzeria about four times, hoping that they were just busy and not closed. And when I finally gave up...er, I mean, if I did give up...I would NOT talk my husband into getting a frozen pizza for dinner instead.

No shower, skipping the gym, and choosing frozen pizza for dinner? Really. Who does that? NOT me!

Want to join in the fun? It's not too late. Head on over to MckMama's blog and see what other ladies over there have NOT done. Maybe you'll find someone as disgusting as me. You know...if I was that gross. Which I so am NOT.

A Better-Late-Than-Never NOT Me! Monday Post

I did NOT sneeze last week and pee in my pants a tiny bit. I am way too early in my pregnancy for that, even if this is my second pregnancy. And if that happened, I would certainly NOT blog about it. I am way classier than that. And let's just say, hypothetically of course, that it did happen. I did NOT text one of my good blog friends who has posted about pregnancy-induced lack of bladder control and tell her I was thinking about her when I peed my pants. That is gross and completely socially unacceptable. Just...ew.

I did NOT eat three brownies at our special education staff luncheon on Friday. I have much more control than that. I did NOT justify overindulgence by explaining that they were really small. Everyone could see that those brownies were of average size. I would never eat three brownies...even if they were Ghirardelli. NOT me!

I did NOT get completely overwhelmed last night when L vomited for the sixth time in as many days. I did NOT sob, harder than I've cried since...well, the last time I was pregnant. When I thought about working full-time next year with two kids, I did NOT bawl, thinking I simply can't do it. And when I pictured leaving my job that I adore, I did NOT cry even harder. Of course I am more emotionally stable than that! Then today, I did NOT start researching other jobs with more flexibility for next year. We've already been through this. I told my principal last week that I was going to come back for sure next year. I am a lot of things, but I am NOT wishy-washy.

Girl Scout cookies were delivered today, but I showed total restraint. I did NOT eat two of the new cranberry/white chocolate cookies before lunch. And I certainly did NOT eat two more after lunch. I am never, ever glutteonous. So I definitely did NOT eat two Samoas after dinner. NOT me!

What have you done...er, NOT done this week? Head on over to MckMama's blog to find out what almost 200 other people have NOT done this week. Happy Monday!

A Not Me! Monday-worthy week!

I have NOT been perseverating on my ridiculously-large-for-six-weeks baby bump all week. I am NOT petrified it's twins, and I have NOT been begging everyone from blog friends to twitter buddies to anyone who will listen IRL to tell me they think this is normal for a second pregnancy. I am NOT hinting for the same thing for my blog readers. NOT me!!

I did NOT have another close call in spinning class again on Saturday morning even after vowing to avoid any spinning drama. I did NOT run in, get "my" bike, save "Jillian's" bike, and then have to deal with questioning of exactly whose bikes those were. The woman who I assume is a resolutioner who has been causing me strife for the past two weeks is NOT starting to make me even crazier. I would NOT stay after class and form a plan with three other girls in my class. That is so immature. Even if those girls along with me, have without fail, used the four bikes in the front row of class for several months now, I would not form a secret plan. Seriously. Who does that? We do NOT have a pact to bring extra towels, dash in, and save all four bikes. That is bizarre behavior. And goodness knows, I do NOT do anything bizarre. Ever.



I did NOT throw a surprise party for my introverted husband on Saturday evening. Of course I would NOT try to live my dream of getting a surprise party vicariously through him. Gosh. That's just silly. And even if I did do something like that, you know, hypothetically, of course, I did NOT get disappointed by the room since I never actually went to see it. Of course I would go in person to see a room even if my son was having crazy asthma problems the entire time I was planning the party. And even if all that happened, I would NOT basically ruin the surprise by not being secretive about my phone basically blowing up with texts for an hour before the party. Duh...I am much more sneaky than that.



We did NOT invite our friends and their two-year-old, aka L's BFF over for the entire afternoon and evening yesterday. Obviously that is a little too much for two-year-olds, both of whom are only children. If we did have them over and the boys did fight, quite literally, nonstop, over toys, culminating in an actual physical fight, we would NOT just end up throwing our hands up and laughing. And we certainly did NOT plan to do it all over again next weekend. Sucker for punishment...especially when I can't have a glass of wine to help the circumstances? NOT me!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week.

NOT me! Monday: the desperate attempt to get into spin class edition

That was NOT me on Saturday morning at the front counter at the gym, screaming at the man behind the desk.

Of course I would understand that people make mistakes and the guy I talked to last week just forgot to put me on the spinning list.

That was NOT me with tears in my eyes, arguing with the man, and I certainly did NOT drop the f-bomb. Ugh. I am much classier than that.

I did NOT embarrass my friend Jillian, who was waiting with me. I did NOT tell her that I was going to go home and lay on the couch and eat fattening food when she suggested we go walk on the treadmill instead.

I mean, if that happened to me, even if I was 5 and 1/2 weeks pregnant with out-of-control hormones, I certainly would NOT yell at someone. C'mon, you guys. I am all about respect and peace and love.

And I would NOT be so addicted to this particular spinning class and this particular spinning instructor that I wouldn't even fathom going to another class. Geez. I am much more open-minded than that. I would NOT be one of those girls who is a groupie for a specific teacher. Ugh. NOT me!!

Even if I would do any of those things, when the man gave out the last ticket, I would NOT go running, full-speed, to the spinning room to beg and plead pathetically ask the teacher nicely if I could use her bike, as she's given it to other poor souls in my situation before. Talk about pathetic. I might be lots of things, but I am NOT pathetic.

And let's just say I did do that, you know, hypothetically...I would NOT make a big scene about it. I would NOT make my tough-as-nails teacher look a little scared. Because that is just crazy. And everyone knows that I am NOT crazy already, and I am definitely NOT crazier when I am pregnant.

Goodness knows, if that all did happen, I am sure that I would NOT end up on "my" bike, making the man who was late to class take the teacher's bike in the front of the class. Obviously I know that beggars can't be choosers. I am NOT a big spoiled brat.

And after all that, I am sure that it would all NOT be worth it to me to get to my favorite therapeutic class, with a teacher I totally admire, riding with my friends, and enjoy that endorphin high. NOT me!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

The Not Me! post that may cause you to un-follow me

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


I have NOT waited until 10 pm to write my Not Me! Monday post because of the first thing I did NOT do. I have NOT been thinking about it all day and trying to get over the embarrassment of it....

I did NOT....

Um.

Okay.

I did NOT give Logan a super-fast bath after he coughed till he threw up upon awakening from his nap yesterday. (I also did NOT let him eat w-a-y too much at lunch, ignoring that whole "I swear he still has reflux" idea.) I did NOT wash his hair way too fast in order to get to our family Christmas party in time for Santa to arrive. I did NOT notice that I hadn't...uh...gotten all the vomit as we were walking out the door. And I certainly did NOT wash his hair with soapy water with my hands and then try to put a little product in it to cover up the disgustiness. You guys, come on. That. Is. Disgusting. Even if L does have the strongest gag reflex in the world which causes him to puke on average, once a week, I couldn't just ignore it like that.

(And we did NOT walk into the Christmas party as Santa was entering. So I still do NOT think it was a good idea. Puh-lease.)

I did NOT just choose to make Ghirardelli brownies for our family Christmas party on Saturday without asking my mother-in-law what I should bring. Duh. I obviously read the e-mail stating that we should let her know what we were bringing and I am always courteous. So when we walked in, and she had already made two batches of brownies, I was NOT a little embarrassed. I also did NOT take just about an entire pan of brownies home with me that night. Ahem.

I did NOT let my perfectionism get the best of me and ruin one of my handmade Christmas presents tonight when I just couldn't let well enough alone. I did NOT then try to re-do it and fail miserably. When I mused aloud about fixing the teeny-tiniest part on another gift I am making for someone else, B did NOT have to give me "the look" and tell me not to ruin it. Of course I would NOT do something ridiculous like that. NOT me!

It's NOT too late....what have you NOT been doing lately? C'mon, tell me. If you tried to wash puke out of your kid's hair without actually putting him in the tub, I won't judge you. I mean, not that I have ever done anything like that myself or anything.

Not Me! Monday...the Christmas decorations edition

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


I did NOT work for hours trying to get the ribbon on my Christmas tree just right. First of all, I'd get it right the first time. I'm perfectly creative like that. And if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't put hours of work into something like ribbon. But...ahem...if I did, I would NOT call my mom and ask her to fix it and make it look like the ribbon on her tree. I am far too old for that.


(I'm also NOT very happy with her handiwork...and I do NOT love the way the snowflake ribbon goes well with the snowflake tree topper. That's just silly.)


I did NOT drag my husband to Hobby Lobby in search of the perfect stockings and stocking holders last week. He had just worked out and was starving and I would never torture him like that. We did NOT look for over 30 minutes until we found three different, yet similar, snowman stockings. I am NOT already wondering what we'll do when we have another child.

When painting my handmade gifts for my coworkers, I did NOT get paint on our white lampshade. My husband had NOT just said that me working in our living room made me nervous and he was tempted to put towels around me. I am NOT an accident waiting to happen, especially when paint is involved. NOT me!



I did NOT try to hurry and sneakily clean it up with a Clorox wipe before he saw it. That is childish and irresponsible. I did NOT just make it worse by smearing the paint. And I did NOT end up crying and turning the lampshade around. I do NOT wonder how my husband puts up with me sometimes.


What have you NOT been up to this week?

Not Me! Monday...Thanksgiving Edition

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did NOT wait until the day before Thanksgiving to buy canned pumpkin for my pumpkin cobbler recipe. C'mon. I am NOT irresponsible in the least...of course I know every store within at least an hour of driving distance would be totally sold out of pumpkin by then. I did NOT end up being unable to make the pumpkin cobbler and being forced to bring Ghirardelli brownies instead. They were NOT, by the way, fabulous and I did NOT get lots of compliments on them even though they weren't exactly Thanksgiving-ish.

Since it was my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian, I did NOT eat three helpings of mashed potatoes among other sides since I didn't have even a bite of turkey. Obviously as a vegetarian I practice healthy eating all the time, and I would NOT even consider going overboard on the side dishes. Not me!!

We had two places to go on Thanksgiving, but of course I did NOT eat two meals with dessert at both places. That would just be gluttoneous and we all know that I have far more self-control than that. I do NOT love Thanksgiving and all its glory enough to eat two full meals with dessert in three hours.

Upon entering B's house, his mother did NOT immediately ask me if I was pregnant. I did NOT give a little more information than necessary since it was a touchy subject thanks to my very late period arriving the day before. I did NOT make B's grandmother touch me after she remarked on her own fertility and seven children. I am NOT hoping that fertility is contagious and I get pregnant this month. That's just silly. Ugh.

At B's family's house, I did NOT pour wine into a plastic cup and add ice. I have far more class than that. And even though I hadn't had any alcohol in a few weeks, while hoping I was pregnant, I certainly did NOT get drunk from that one glass of wine. I did NOT get giggly and silly from said glass of wine. Please.

I did NOT take an entire pumpkin pie home when B's mom offered it to us. That is just setting myself up for failure. I have NOT eaten pumpkin pie every single night, topped with an..ahem...quite generous serving of Cool Whip.

I am NOT signing off to have another slice of pumpkin pie! Not me!!

Not Me! Monday...the self-control (or lack thereof) edition

I did NOT use the f word in spinning class...twice...albeit under my breath this weekend. I have much more class than that and even if I am getting my butt handed to me by my spin teacher, I certainly can control my language. I am an adult. Come on, now.


Speaking of self-control, I did NOT take three pregnancy tests in the last five days. And even if I did, I would NOT take the first one far before my period was even due anyway. I know not to waste good money on tests like that. (I know you are NOT all curious...they were all NOT negative. Booooo.) As desperate as I am to get pregnant, I have NOT convinced myself that this is not the right month for it. I have NOT thought about everything from my due date being the first week of school to a Christmas filled with morning sickness. I do NOT think I can trick myself like that. Duh.

My hormones are NOT so out of whack since my cycle is all crazy, and I did NOT blow up at my sweet husband this weekend when he teased me about leaving crumbs all over the counter. I did NOT scream and ask when he was going to understand me and my ADD. I told you I can control myself. And I certainly did NOT go lock myself in our bedroom afterwards for my own time-out. NOT me!

I did NOT put all my indoor Christmas decorations up and take L to go see Santa this weekend. I always control my love of Christmas and give respect to Thanksgiving. And if I did go take L to get his picture taken with Santa, I did not hem and haw over which picture was cuter...the one where he is smiling and not looking at the camera, or the one where he's looking directly at the camera seriously...that the elves gave me both of them to get me out of their hair. I know it's just the first of many Santa pictures this year.

I am NOT posting this from work. I have much more self-control. I can absolutely wait until I get home. Blogging is NOT that therapeutic for me. Geez. And that is NOT the reason I don't have the Not Me picture at the top of my post today...it will NOT be posted this afternoon!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. Head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week.

Not Me! Monday...L is NOT sick again!

Logan did NOT start telling me last night that his ear hurt. And even if he did, he did NOT wake up in the middle of the night, burning up. Because everyone knows that we are one of those families that does NOT get sick all. the. time. I mean, I do NOT work in a germ-ridden elementary school. And L does NOT go to school at a germ-ridden day care. That's disgusting. Ew.

Even though I got an ear infection about a week after my H1N1 ended, and several people at school also got an H1N1-induced ear infection, I was NOT hoping against all hope that L's ears would steer clear. Duh. Everyone knows that if he can get sick, he will.

I did NOT finally put my foot down and tell B that he had to take the morning off of work and take L to the doctor by himself for the first time. And even if he did, I would NOT ask him a million and one questions about every detail of the visit. I am sure B can handle it and I am not that big of a control freak about my kid that I need to know if L said hello to the doctor. Ugh. Only crazy moms are like that. I also did NOT call from my cell phone to get every detail rather than waiting another hour until I came home from work. Who does that???

Once I got home to take over the afternoon shift, I did NOT take L to the store to pick up his antibiotics and did not walk ever-so-slowly around the store to keep him up an extra hour so that I could give him another dose of Advil before putting him down for a nap. Seriously...of course I know my kid needs immediate rest, even if he was getting hot again. What kind of mother do you think I am?

Right as I started to get sad that L was sick again, I did NOT realize, upon checking MckMama's Twitters, that I am extraordinarily lucky that all I am dealing with is an ear infection. MckMama created this blog carnival and needs lots of support right now. Please pray, think positive thoughts, and/or send good vibes to her and her family right now, as her little man is in heart surgery as I type.

Not Me! Monday....all about L (and Katie, too!)

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. Head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week.

I did NOT put a pair of socks on my son for a Friday night wedding, let him sleep in them, and then keep them in him until he took a shower after his nap on Saturday afternoon. That is disgusting, and hygeine is always my top priority for my child. Dirty socks....ew.

I did NOT use my blog-girl Katie's idea for Silent Sunday yesterday, not knowing that she actually came up with the idea and therefore not giving her the proper linkage. I love that chica and I would always make sure I was following bloggy etiquette.

I did NOT take my two-year-old to see Where The Wild Things Are last night. I did NOT ignore the reviews (and warnings from my Facebook friends) that it really wasn't a movie for a two-year-old. I would always preview a movie before taking my son. And if I did go see it, I did NOT cringe at Max's behavior, hoping against all hope that L would not choose to imitate him. I did NOT breathe a sigh of relief when he looked at me, wide-eyed, and said, "Max is making a poor choice." And as tears were rolling down my face at the end of the movie, as Max embraced his mother, it did NOT make me cry harder when I looked over at L to see his eyes filled with tears as well.

We are NOT ignoring certain aspects of parenting at the moment, namely potty-training and sleep issues. L is NOT completely potty-trained at home but not at all potty-trained out in public. I am NOT choosing to do nothing about this. L also does NOT continue to stealthily crawl into our bed at least three nights a week. I do NOT also do nothing about this. I would never sweep any type of parenting issue under the rug. Not me!!

I did NOT panic this morning when L suddenly could not put weight on his right foot, and every time he walked more than a few steps, crumbled to a whining pile on the floor. I did NOT google flu shot side effects. Duh. He would not have pain in one leg 48 hours after the shot from the preservative-free vaccination. Everybody knows that. I did NOT consider taking him to the ER, rather than waiting ten minutes until the doctor's office opened. I did NOT end up taking him to the pediatrician, and L did NOT make a miraculous recovery by the time we got into the examination room. Although he was still limping, he was NOT jumping and running around. I would have obviously given him more time to make sure it wasn't just a ...ahem, pulled muscle.

What have you NOT done this week? Fess up now...it's NOT very therapeutic!

Today is NOT a stereotypical Monday....

(I did NOT forget again to download MckMama's Not Me! icon for my post since my work blocks it for some unknown reason. I do NOT ever forget anything....Not me!)

I did NOT arrive late for work after Logan faceplanted in his school hallway and cried for ten minutes (he was fine, just scared). I would never put Crocs on my son on a gloomy rainy fall midwest day. Everyone knows that just spells disaster. Duh.

I did NOT receive a ribbing from my assistant principal for arriving late. He did NOT tell me that someone needed to write a social story for me on how to be on time for work. (Social stories are tools I use to teach students about socially appropriate behaviors and choices.) Sadly, he's NOT right. I'm the perfect employee and would NOT ever be late for work. Not me!

I did NOT giggle at a student after busting out the Love and Logic on a very difficult fifth student. It did NOT make me laugh when he responded with, "I don't like this new way you are taking to me," "if you don't want me in your group, just say it," and "um...I know you are pretending like you can't hear me even though you can!" I take my job much too seriously for that.

I did NOT test a fourth grader who told me my assessment tool was "suckish" and proceeded to run out of my room after deciding that my treasure box prizes were also just as "suckish." I have total control over my students and they would NOT ever think it was okay to use inappropriate language in my classroom. And they certainly would NOT leave the room without my permission!

I did NOT have to calm down one of my first grade girls who, when told that the rule was that you have to eat your lunch before going outside, screamed, "This is bullshit!" And if I did, I did NOT take pride in the fact that said first grade girl used 'bullshit' in the correct context. I would NOT ever think any kind of swearing, especially by a first grader, was even remotely positive. Not me!

I did NOT make an appointment for a massage tonight when my day started getting more and more Monday-esque. I have NOT been holding onto this gift certificate for two days short of a year. I am NOT thanking my lucky stars that for once it paid off to be a procrastinator. No way...NOT me!

What are you NOT doing this Monday? Join the blog carnival that MckMama began and join the fun! It's NOT therapeutic in the least. Trust me!

Not Me! Monday is back with a vengeance!

(Not Me! Monday button will be included later. I am NOT posting from work during a break, and even if I was, my work internet would NOT disallow me from downloading MckMama's button!)

I did NOT ignore my dirty house this weekend, simply because I did NOT feel like cleaning. Period. I would never ignore a dirty house. That's disgusting. And when Sunday night rolled around and the bathrooms still had not been cleaned, I did NOT just look on while B got out the cleaning supplies and went to work. (And considering I clean the bathrooms every single week without fail, it did NOT feel really good to watch him do them. Shhhh. Don't tell him that.)

I did NOT become afraid that I was going to get hit by lightning when I walked up on the altar to serve as my niece's godmother at her baptism yesterday. I did NOT disagree with almost all the teachings during the service. I did NOT keep looking back at my father-in-law, who has very similar religious beliefs to mine, and slyly smile at him through the 90-minute service. (I did NOT think 90 minutes was ridiculously long.) I do NOT wish there were more churches out there with beliefs that are more accepting and less judgmental.



I did NOT get really excited about the two tree hugger tee shirts I got for Logan at Target last week. Like I told B, the sole reason I bought them was because they were only $3 each and therefore he can wear them to school and get as dirty as he pleases. I do NOT actually love them and the message they send. And my favorite is NOT the one that actually says "How to save the earth....plant a tree, hug a tree, repeat." When I know that something bothers my husband, I do NOT ignore it and do as I please. (Yes, B hates my tree-hugging influence on L. Silly.)

I did NOT watch The Hills and The City last week. I was NOT glued to my tv for the entire hour. I am NOT excited to watch again this week. I am much too mature and intelligent to watch ridiculous shows like that. I mean, even Kristin Cavalleri admits it's scripted, so what's the point??

I did NOT melt into my shoes when L stroked my hair this morning and said, "Mommy, you are bootaful!" That did NOT make up for the night from hell I had last night. It would take a lot more than that to make me feel better after a sleepless night! I am not that vain or easily swayed....NOT me!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday...this blog carnival was created by MckMama. Head on over to see what she and all of her bloggy friends have NOT been doing this week!

Not My Child! Monday

My child is NOT normally so wild that on Friday, after giving him an antihistimine for his cough, every single one of his teachers did NOT comment on how lethargic he was. They were NOT amazed that for once, he was not running laps around his classroom. My child is always perfect, well-behaved, and sits quietly during instructional time. He would NOT shock his teachers by actually being calm....NOT my child!

When we went out to dinner on Saturday night, that was NOT my child who was jumping in the booth, insisting on going potty and then refusing to go once we got into the restroom, and screaming (albeit happily) so loud that we got dirty looks from the patrons behind us. No way. I saw that kid, but it was NOT mine. My child is always a perfect angel when we are in public.

My child is NOT still wearing diapers and pull ups. He is NOT still struggling with pooping in the potty, especially at school. Nope. My child is super advanced in all areas, including potty training.

My child did NOT wake up this morning screaming, at the top of his lungs, "What the HECK?!?! What the HECK?!??!" over and over. And even if he did, it would certainly NOT be thanks to my husband screaming at the pathetic excuse we apparently have for a football team this season. We don't allow any language that is even remotely inappropriate in our house, so my son would NOT scream anything like that. Nope.

My child did NOT pour water on my laptop for the second time in a week today. I am not wishing and praying and hoping and crossing my fingers that it continues to work. I will NOT lose it if my baby computer breaks. My kid does NOT do crazy wild things all the time. Not my child!!!

What have you or your child NOT done this week? Head over to MckMama's blog to find out what they have NOT been doing either.

I am NOT addicted to Not Me! Mondays! Not Me!!

Apparently, MckMama has something up her bloggy (and probably brightly colored) sleeve this week and is not posting a Not Me! Monday post. Luckily, she still gave her blessing on us Not Me! addicts to continue the brutal honesty without her. Whew! So what did I do this week? Well...

I did NOT put lotion on my son rather than giving him a bath one day before bringing him to school. I am always prepared and on-time and would always have a freshly bathed child. I would NOT bring him dirty to school, and even if I did, I would NOT try to fool his teachers by lathering him up with baby lotion. Ew. NOT me.

I did NOT go to spinning class without shaving my armpits. I am Sicilian, and I obviously know that I need to shave my armpits at least once a day. I know that our teacher leads us in tricep stretches before each class, and I would NOT subject my teacher and my classmates to hairy armpits. Gross, you guys.

I did NOT drop a chicken breast on the kitchen floor and cook it anyway. Even if I had just cleaned the floor that day, I would NOT rinse it off and put it in the oven. That chicken is for my family and I would NOT think the five-second rule was kosher in my house!!

I did NOT eat Tostitos and queso dip for lunch on Sunday, and then eat a second lunch of chicken and rice leftovers (yes, the same chicken that was NOT dropped on the floor). And if I did, I certainly did NOT eat some of L's SpongeBob animal crackers after that. I always count calories and would NOT indulge like that. I do NOT ever lose self-control when it comes to eating. Not me!

Anything you want to be brutally honest about this week??

I heart Not Me! Mondays!

I'm sure you thought that I would do a Not my child! Monday post this week, considering L is the poster child for multiple tantrums in one hour lately. But I figure I've ranted enough about that and at this point, prefer to not think about his tantrums while I have the opportunity. Not Me! Monday it is.

When I woke up on Sunday morning and realized that I didn't have eggs for the blueberry muffins I was craving, I did NOT run to the grocery store in the clothes I had slept in, without brushing my hair...or my teeth. That is absolutely disgusting and I would never do such a thing, no matter how good blueberry muffins sounded. Hygeine is always my #1 priority. And even though I overcooked the muffins (thanks to Logan pooping on the floor), I did NOT eat three muffins on Sunday. Not me!

On Sunday afternoon, I did NOT actually cry real tears when B trimmed our pear tree branches a bit too vigorously, causing two little eggs to fall out of a bird's nest. Like B tried to explain, birds don't have feelings. I did NOT wail, "But those were her babies!" Even though we had just seen the mama bird sitting on her eggs, that is just ridiculous. Crying over eggs. I would NOT ever do such a thing.

I did NOT skip a birthday party and a family dinner on Sunday and tell white lies to get out of both of them, just because I had way too many things to get done around the house and yard. I can obviously keep a clean house, a well-kept lawn, and get to all other obligations even if I have no desire to go, while working full-time. And if I couldn't, I would NOT lie about it. Not me!

I did NOT spend $30 on a sports bra at Fleet Feet sports this weekend. B was just going to buy a good pair of tennis shoes, so when the girl asked me if I wanted to try on one of their sports bras for spinning, of course I did NOT agree. And I did NOT let her sell me on the bra that was padded, sweat-wicking, and very cute. Because even the most perfect bra is NOT worth $30 so I would NOT spend that much money.

If you've never tried Not Me! Monday, I highly recommend it...it really is therapeutic. Head over to MckMama's blog for the rules, and to find out what she and everyone there are NOT doing this week!