My name is Gina, and I'm a hypochondriac.

On Tuesday, when B and I went on our joint doctor's appointment, I asked the doc to check out a weird red bump I had noticed on my neck. The doctor checked it out, saying it was either a bite, or a blackhead.

A while back, I contemplated "breaking up with" my doctor.

When he tried to pop the bump, then said, "Nope, not a blackhead," I should have told him right then and there that it wasn't him, it was me, but that I hoped that we could still be friends.

But in my virus-induced haze, I shrugged it off and left the office.

Today, I was sitting on the floor, doing language therapy with a little girl. There happened to be a big mirror on the floor, and I caught a glimpse of my weird bump when I glanced that way.

And it had a red ring around it!!!!

I panicked. I just knew a red ring was deadly. I was sure I had heard that before. I quite literally ran to the school nurse's office, and as I turned the corner, I saw that the lights were out.

Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!

I began panicking about the fact that no one could diagnose my impending death, or at least provide me with CPR, which I'd clearly need. I ran to the secretary, and breathlessly asked where the nurse was. She looked at me oddly, and told me that she was in an IEP meeting.

"But my neck! I have a bite! Look! And look, there is a ring around it! Oh my gosh. What am I going to do????"

The secretary shrugged and suggested that I ask Jean, who is a personal nurse for one of my students.

I don't think I even thanked her before sprinting down the hall to find Jean.

"Jean! Am I dying? Look at my neck!" I blurted out as I burst into the classroom.

Jean took one look at my neck and calmly said, "Huh. Looks like a spider bite."

"But Jean!! Look, it has a red ring around it!!!"

Jean explained that sometimes that happens when you get a spider bite, but it could also be...

ring worm.

For the love. Ring worm?!?!?

So I did what any intelligent, cool-headed adult would do.

I googled it.

And immediately, I had two more diagnoses....Lyme Disease and a brown recluse bite.

The good news was that I had gotten this bite on Monday and according to the internet, I would have been vomiting, feverish, or had rotting skin by yesterday if it was anything too dangerous.

But still. You never know.

So I called my doctor, in a panic. I might have told the nurse who was the lucky recipient of my call that I thought I had Lyme Disease or a brown recluse bite. Maybe. She told me she'd check with my doctor and she'd call me back.

I went back to my school nurse, and found her making copies. I told her I'd been waiting to talk to her, and when she saw it was me, her little frequent flyer, she immediately went back to making copies.

"What's wrong?" she asked, not even making eye contact, and with the slightest hint of annoyance.

Hmph. No one takes me and my self-diagnoses seriously.

I showed her my neck and she said, "Hmm. Looks like a spider bite. Go put some hydrocortisone cream on it."

"But it has a ring around it," I cried.

"Mmm-hmmm," she said, continuing copying.

This was the point that I started to calm down. This nurse is known for being a little Gina-esque in her diagnosing, so I figured if she wasn't sending me to Urgent Care, maybe I wasn't going to die after all.

However, I still carried my phone around with me all day. The one time I set it on my desk to warm up my frozen lunch was when it rang. And I missed the darn call. Argh!!

The good news was that the nurse had left a voice mail saying that my doctor said that as long as my bite was not oozing, getting larger, or hot to the touch, I was okay.

And I should put some hydrocortisone on it. That would have been nice to tell me two days ago. Just sayin'.

I am happy to report that the hydrocortisone has done a fabulous job removing my ring-around-the-bite. So I'm not afflicted with some flesh-eating illness after all.

For now, anyway.

I'm baaaack!!

Holy long unintended vacation from blogging, Batman!

That sucked.

First, I had to wait for my internet to be repaired. While I was waiting, and using a very weak borrowed connection, my freaking laptop broke. Again.

This, in the middle of desperately needing my blogfriends' support and distraction of your wonderful posts as I was waiting to go to the doctor and find out if I was dealing with pregnancy, cysts, hormonal imbalances, or a faulty thyroid.

Somehow, I made it, although not without a bit of bloggy withdrawal, a few screaming outbursts at anyone who would listen, and a blood draw complete with bawling a few tears.

You see, my doctor didn't say what I thought he would, which was "Oh, Gina, don't be silly, you just got off the pill...nothing is wrong." Nope, his response was more along the lines of, "Hmmm. You should have started by now. I think we need to start with blood tests and if those come back negative and you still haven't started, then we'll do an ultrasound to check for a cyst."

Considering I am petrified of needles, and quite prone to panicking, this was bad news all over. I tried to get out of it by saying I had to pick up Logan from school but my doctor asked where and when I had to pick him up, and when I answered honestly, just gave me the look and told me to get my blood drawn immediately.

So I did. And I cried. And a really sweet nurse helped me through it, telling me that our bodies have a way of fixing themselves, not to worry.

And she was right! I started that night and all my tests results came back negative. Thank God.

So now, I am backing off exercising a bit, since my doctor did say that my 6-day-a-week routine could certainly be a part of the problem. In fact, this week, we'll be at the lake with our friends, so there will be a lot of eating and the only exercise we'll be doing is shopping and chasing our two-year-olds around the pool and lake.

Therefore, I now have to close down my internet and get back to cleaning, packing, taking Kingston to PetSmart to get him a bath and a paw-dicure before leaving him with a very sweet friend who agreed to take him for the week, and most likely making a last-minute Wal-Mart run for whatever I forgot to get for the trip.

The good news is that my girl Em who is hitting the lake with me agreed to bring her laptop and I'll be able to attempt to catch up lakeside. You know. When I'm not eating or drinking or shopping or chasing the wildmen around.

So take some pity on me while I try to catch up in the land of the internet. It's a little scary how crazy addicted I am much I enjoy the sweet pasttime of blogging.