The R-Word

Last night, I read this post by Jen, over at Diagnosis:Urine. If you don't follow Jen, you should. That is, if you can take posts that tell it like it is and make you feel totally relieved that you aren't the only mommy in the world that just wants five minutes by yourself to breathe sometimes. Plus, she has the best, driest sense of humor in the world. Really. The whole world.

Anyhoo.

After reading her post about what I refer to as the "r-word," I sent her a tweet because for some reason, I can never respond to her posts. She asked me if I'd consider blogging about the subject.

To be totally honest, I'm shocked that I haven't posted about it up to this point. If you know me in real life, and have uttered "retarded," "retard," or any other variation of the word around me, you've seen me literally cringe. It takes a lot to offend me, but if you bust out the r-word around me, you'll succeed.

My friends still say it from time to time but usually immediately apologize profusely when they say it. One of B's friends even made an "r-bomb jar" in his house, and every time he said the word, he paid a quarter to the jar. That's how much I hate it.

I've had lots of people argue their reasoning for thinking the r-word shouldn't offend me. They aren't even talking about someone who is retarded, it's just a figure of speech, it has nothing to do with people with disabilities. I've heard it all.

Here's the deal. I work with lots of kids who are mentally retarded. And the r-word has such a negative connotation now that simply saying it to describe my students who are actually retarded can be uncomfortable. In fact, the educational term has changed to 'intellectually disabled,' at least in the state of Missouri.

However, that doesn't change the fact that my students are retarded. When people say, "That's so retarded," or "You're such a retard," they are using the term as a huge insult. They are usually describing something or someone that they consider stupid.

Guess what. My kids who are retarded really aren't stupid. They are slower learners, but they aren't stupid.

One little girl on my caseload who is retarded is so darn manipulative that I find myself trying to outwit her. Not stupid.

Another little boy to whom I provide language therapy is labeled as retarded but has excellent receptive language skills, and his motoric and health abilities slow his learning and response time. Again...not stupid.

I could go on and on.

It bothers me that people are using the word "retarded" as a synonym for "stupid" or "ridiculous" and it just does not make sense. People insult each other by using the word that explains why my kids have to work so hard just to learn. That seems hateful to me. There are a gazillion words to use. Why pick the one that brings pain to parents and educators of children who really are retarded...not to mention the children themselves?

So...will you do me a favor and delete that word from your vocabulary, unless you are referring to a person who is actually mentally retarded?

My sweet (not stupid) kids and I would appreciate it.